The Liberty Blog

Shaun L.

6-13-09- Today I am a good spot.  I got done with my cop-list words.  I got 38,500 words that dinner and got them done in three and a half days.  I called my sister yesterday and had a real talk.  We also went to a NA meeting in Somerset which I enjoy because it is my favorite meeting to go too.  Today I got to call my family and my sponsor.  We are going bowling to night, I really enjoy this activity so I can’t wait.

6-14-09- Today was a good day. Got to go to karate and been moving stuff to the white house and fixing stuff over there.  Last night we went bowling in Somerset and it was pretty boring.  We got a meeting to night and I get my four month chip and I am so happy.  By the grace of god I got this fare in my recovery.

6-15-09- Last night after dinner I was person-in-charge.  I enjoy having this privilege because I can talk to people on reflections and check in on them.  When I am usually on reflections I get in a mess up spot and it helps to talk to people especially my sponsor and person-in-charge.  That is why I enjoy to give back what others have done for me.  I started working out again and it makes me feel so much better.  This week my main objectives are to get my step work for my third step done and pass in my half status.  Well I will be off to check in on my little brother chores.

6-16-09- I went to Liberty yesterday with Noah and my lil bro Justin to return cans.  We ended up having 500 pounds of cans and got twenty-five cents a pound which equaled out to one hundred and twenty five dollars.  This morning I woke up and ended up making two biscuits instead of one and got deviating from the menu which is a 2500 word strike.  Earlier in the house, a month or two in this strike would ruin my day, but today I am able to realize it is just words and I have a chance to grow by staying aware. 

6-17-09- I went to bed early last night because I did not feel well and I was tired.  I felt like I was getting one of those colds that start in your throat and turn into a coughing head cold.  I woke up this morning and cooked a bomb breakfast for the house and then wrote 2500 words to be able to get off reflections.  Today I got bring Ronnie to Comp Care and then contact my lawyer.  Before I contact my lawyer I got to fill out some paper work, photo copy my information and then send it out.  I got to getter done and do what’s in front of me. One day at a time.

6-18-09- Today is Thursday and we got community group tonight and I got some stuff I need to bring up.  I hope that I get stuff squared away and everything works out.  Today we are going to Walmart and I can’t wait because boy I need some food for sure.  Also we are going to the Danville meeting and I enjoy this AA meeting a lot. Well Today I am in a good spot, I am not tired and my cold is going away.  It is another day of sobriety.

6-19-09- I am in kind of a bad spot. I ask during group last night to see if I could get off from non com with my girl friend Tristan.  We grouped on me for about forty five minutes and then I got told that I can’t write letters to her right now which really made me sad, I started crying during group.  Last night was the first night that I felt like I wanted to leave so I talked to some of the senior guys in the house because I knew it was my will pushing this not gods will.  I can’t help it today I still miss my love.

6-20-09- Today I am a better spot.  I talked to my sponsor and he cleared up a lot of things and gave me some serenity.  I know today that I must not affect Tristan’s recovery and not let her effect my recovery right now, but in the future I do want to talk to her when the time is right.  We have lived many lives together through reincarnation and my higher power brought us back together in this life for a reason.  Today is my sister’s birthday so she didn’t come to family group for the first time because she is hanging out with a friend back home going to a concert.  I am going to call her later to wish her happy birthday.

6-21-09- Today is the first day of summer and it is raining pretty hard right now.  Last night I went to Adam and Josh’s house to watch UFC fights. These two guys are graduates of the Ranch.  It was cool that Adam L a resident invited me to go. Today I got to call my dad and brother because it is Father’s Day and wish them happy holidays.  I am going to call my sponsor and wish him happy Father’s Day too.  I am in a better spot today, but I have been thinking about Tristan a lot today because I was cooking breakfast and it reminded me of all the morning I would wake up and cook her breakfast.  God release my sadness.

6-22-09- I talked to my sister yesterday and she was in a really good mood.  She told me she had a really good birthday.  I called my brother, but he didn’t answer so I left him a message.  I was able to talk to my dad though which was really good because I haven’t talk to him in a couple of weeks.  Today I got to get my half status proposal done and pass in my second step to my sponsor.  I feel like I am in a good spot today.  My legs hurt a little because after I worked out yesterday Adam and I went for a run.  Day by day I will feel stronger it is just like recovery.

6-23-09- Yesterday was definitely a growing day for me as my sponsor puts it.  I got the van stuck over at the farm and it really sucked and it put me in a bad spot.  Because I was in a bad spot I forgot to do things for my lil bro and I just need to learn from these things and not let my selfishness affect me from helping another alcoholic.  I saw my sponsor last night at a meeting and it put me in a better spot.  He reminded me that it was another growing day for me.  Well today I got to take Justin to court and Nevin to Liberty.  I must make surrenders today to go with the flow.   

6-24-09- I made my surrender yesterday that I will not obsess about my girl and just let it be and know that in a couple of months I will get to talk to her.   I got my driving privileges taken away for a couple of days last night which made me kind of mad, but I have to be grateful that they did not get taken away for good.  I went for a run last night and got a lot of things in my head back into focus.  I must do what is in front of me and not get spun out over things I can’t do nothing about right now.      

Nevin

6.14.2009

Today was started off with Corey and Shannon breaking reflections with each other first thing in the morning right after a shutdown that shit is real disappointing. The whole reason the house was shutdown was because of how guys can’t even get honest about forgetting a cup on the counter. It’s amazing how little some people really care about staying clean and sober. Fuck all that noise. They will take responsibility somehow.

6.15.2009

Deep clean Monday. The chores finally changed. Nothing really has been dug into about guys that are breaking reflections together yet. Really the house is starting to get back to where it was when I came in back in February, basically simple cap on toothpaste shit. It’s showing a lot in the attitudes of both newcomers and guys with some time. About a week ago we had a peer group basically on how big brothers just weren’t doing what was given to them, that took a few days to sink in but I think its working. The big brothers were just doing the basic things with the new guys so they don’t write words. But it was like as soon as the new guys started to write their own words it’s “fuck that”. There wasn’t anything going on as far as checking in with them and making sure they had what they needed to be comfortable. Anyways were moving in the right direction.

6.16

there is about five guys in the house right now that aren’t working and that can be rough with four guys in the house that don’t know wat the hell is going on. But beside that everyone is really starting to get what it really means to be selfless and help another alcoholic and give back what was given to us. We are working over at the garden today which is pretty cool to have a bunch of new guys get out and do something to give back to the house right off the bat. Chores are looking a lot better and people are pulling covers. There are definitely more people that have been here long enough to start pulling more covers, but its still much improvement.

6.17

I don’t really no wut to say anymore I am tired of having the same old meetings here where matt picks some lame ass topic and shared for twenty minutes about how he use to search his house for crumbs. One of the females just got a license or some shit so they are going to be driving a lot more and using the van. I understand it has to be equal but there is thirty guys and five girls. I do not see any sense it. With all of the newcomers in the house honestly we should be going out to as many meetings as possible, the whole 12 step aspect of the house seems to be not much of a priority anymore. Idk

6.18.2009

its my birthday and we are going to wal mart today. A whole bunch of new guys it can really be a pain in the ass to hold all of the money and take so many lists for the guys working n shit. But with the whole little brother uprising going on now I am not able to have the luxury of complaining about helping a newcomer cause I am a selfish fuck. There are just so many new guys that its about practicing complete selflessness and staying out of myself. The other guys that have been in the house for some time are really doing a good job At this but I am still struggling. I see guys including myself getting frustrated having to answer questions and help out with things, but it’s about doing it anyway and catching ourselves when we are being selfish.

6.19.2009

There is really nobody in the house right now. I was just working on my fourth step and a lot of the other new guys were doing some reading n shit. We had group last night and there really isn’t much going on. One of the guys that have been here for three months Shannon just woke up real early and left this morning. He had been fucked up and a real bad fucking resentment with the house. That just shows what happens when you don’t work through that shit. Anyways there really isn’t much today so ya that’s all I got…

6.20.2009

its family group day and we just started an alanon meeting here so shit is fucked up with the chores and shits. Its one big fuckin rush and personally I should wake up needs to be seven not eight now since this is going on. Its about nearly impossible to get all this fucking sheat done before the grouping starts. But hey this is only the second group with alanon so maybe we will figure a system out. I hope so because that extra hour of sleep is wicked nice n shit. The house outside is starting to look real cool and way more cover pulling is happening and everyone except for shawn sperduti, and that’s because he dug himself a real big hole. Gotta go.

6.21

bored as hell everybody is gone doing shit but not me I am chillen and I am about to do some more of my chef duties. I think it is kinda fucked up, I could be off but it seems like there are certain people in the house are here just because they have no other option and they just don’t give a damn. And another thing is there are people who are really pulling covers and shit because they are miserable sons of bitches and they want to see others get essays. Chris gamer, especially he is like a five year old kid and to me it is coming from the wrong spot four months in the house and he still thinks it’s a game to see who can get more words for somebody. That is a piece of shit move man. Idk that’s all I got for today.

6.22.2009

Aright I don’t really know what to say. The chores are really looking a lot better and shit, but other than that there is nothing going on that it really exciting or anything I finally got off the chef chore and now im on kitchen clean up. There are around five guys that have been given direction to turn in half status proposals. I mean I want to do it just because It is a part of the structure in the house and shit but at the same time it seems pointless because I am leaving in somewhere around two months, but still I have respect for the house and I was given direction to so I will. There are a couple guys in the house that are brand new that are really not down with the structure. I don’t know they are still new so it’s whatever but its rough when these guys come for a month or whatever. But that is all I got

6.23.2009

its hot as fuck man. I am really starting to go a little crazy from doing the same thing every day. I wish there was some more shit to do but it was told to me that living without drugs and shit involves doing a lot of the same shit over and over. As far as the house goes in relation to how it was at the shutdown it is similarly fucked up we are really having too many guys that have barely been here that think they run shit. They will go around and fluff balls on brand new guys. In my eyes the first week is really the only time where brand new guys need to be babied. That’s not to say they are not to be checked in with n shit, but they need to get their covers pulled especially the guys who are here for 30,60,90 days its bullshit. They aren’t getting their covers pulled and a lot of guys are doing fucked up shit and it is being looked over and shit. I don’t really know. Then we got people who are senior fucking members who are acting like they have been here two weeks. The whole job is fucking nuts right now. That’s all I got  :-/

6.24.2009

I just got a new little brother he is pretty cool and down with the house and program. He has been in the program before so he knows wut is up. Fucking Noah didn’t wake up till six thirty and shit which is fucked up cause our whole day is pushed back n shit now. I don’t know its aright I guess. The whole fucking crazy factor of the house is coming back its fucked up how we just don’t have enough senior guys that have balls enough to pull covers around during the day no more. Since they are all working shit stays fucked up and whatever. But it is cool n shit how we got a new schedule n meetings n shit. So we don’t go to the lame meeting in liberty anymore…thank god. We go to some other AA and NA meetings which is nice. I mean its cool n shit how we are getting some solid structure n shit. Plus our activity got switched to um Friday now. Which is nice cause we can just chill n shit on fucking Saturday. I dunno really what made that happen n shit but it ought to be cool n shit. Yea that’s all I got today.

Matt F.

6/11/09- well I started my first day of work today had to get up at four thirty and that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I really want to crash about now I am exited about working outside of the house but I am still nervous to see how this will effect my actually being part of the house I have had a huge problem with not participating and giving feedback and I am worried that being out of the house all day wont help this issue at all hell I guess I will have to start checking in more with the guys more and really trying to pay attention to what the hell is going on around here. But other than that I am doing pretty good oh hell who am I kidding ever since ray brought up the subject of me staying in good ole kantucky I have been freaking out about that shit hell the idea of really settling down and starting a life in Kentucky is just plain  frightening to me the idea that there is nothing for me in Missouri like ray says just pisses me off and makes me want to run on back there as soon as I can. The idea of breaking up with Jessica still scares the hell out of me and not being close to chad really bugs me too but really it is the idea of telling Jessica that I am going to stay here scares me cause I know that she will want to end our relationship if I do and that’s if she doesn’t want to already hell every time I talk to her I get that impression but that’s probably me being paranoid and insecure but I probably should listen to ray and randy and just tell her the truth and leave it up to god oh well what the hell we’ll see what happens.

6/12/09- well here it is Friday and I got through a half week of work and shit it really is work  I am doing some pretty easy stuff just putting putty in the finished boards but it gets pretty fast paced at times well  that’s going well but there are my issues in the house that have me down got grouped pretty hard last night about my participation in the house or lack of it I guess I really don’t give a shit about this place I ain’t changing enough for them and I really don’t care that much it does feel like some times I am just putting in my time oh well what the hell

6/13/09- so it has been a pretty uneventful Saturday not much going on around here it was nice last night I got to drive my car to the meeting and then we went by blockbuster to buy some movies for the house one of the guys had a gift card so he decided to give back to the house pretty cool of him tonight should be pretty fun too one of the guys invited me to go over to his sponsors house with him for some sort of ufc fight there will be some other people over there from the program so I am looking forward to that at first I thought I was being invited because I have the car but I’ve heard a couple of guys say that I need to start getting out some and socializing with people outside of the house fine by me that’s for sure.but my little brother is really bugging me I feel bad because I’m the one who should be caring about him and a lot of the time I get just fucking sick of the dude I really need to stop being such a selfish prick and start giving a damn about him cause sure enough he really needs all the help he can get. Still haven’t called Jessica waiting to see if she will call me first which is immature as hell but I’m still a little irked by the fact that she has never really bothered to call me I know I shouldn’t get all bent out of shape over her but I still do I guess tomorrow I’ll try her and I say tomorrow probably cause in the back of my mind I know she will be working oh well what the hell

6/14/09- going to sommerset with jimmy today for some shopping oh boy feel like it will be a great day and I am doing good so far today lovin’ life

6/15/09- reflections

6/16/09- reflections

6/17/09- reflections

6/18/09- reflections

6/19/09- reflections

6/20/09- reflections

6/21/09- today was a good day not much going on went to soomerset mall and a ruby Tuesdays with one of the guys and his mom that was nice got me out of the house for a bit and got to help him out since he needed a senior member here to go with him since it was his first time on pass but work has been going all right it is actually like work I still need to get a pay stub and see how much I have made  just a little bummed out since I just got off reflections and tried to call jess of course no answer that seems to be the case I just wonder how much longer this will last between us I don’t want our relationship to end but it just might have to that would tear me apart but I guess I have been through worse so I just might have to ask her what the hell is up I have been avoiding that for all month just telling myself that I would wait for her to call but I just don’t see that happening fuck that makes me sad as hell to think of we went eight months with being apart from her and thinking everything was all right but lets not trip on this until I talk to her no reason to freak out about this shit till it’s here so fuck it well better get ready for dinner  god bless the child

Charles

6/15/09—A day filled with recovery readings and workshops. We read from the Big Book and then had Recovery Dynamics.

6/16/09—Well, it started off as going to the garden to hoe but then we discovered that it was too wet—the ground that is. We go to Liberty tonight to an AA meeting there, after dinner and a family discussion.

6/17/09—The day dawned overcast but turned out sunny in the afternoon. I had two little brothers today and we had our usual Jounaling and Stepwork along with Recovery Dynamics. The guys seem to be upbeat and some good recovery vibes are percolating.

6/18/09—Reflections

6/19/09—A good Friday full of stepwork, groups, and general work. We go to Somerset tonight for an NA meeting. A good harmony is floating in the house.

6/20/09—A day filled with recovery and good weather and bonds developed between men growing in recovery.

6/21/09—A Bright Sunday morning dawned on the ranch as we enjoyed a breakfast of eggs, bacon, rolls, and fried potatoes. Many guys went out with family while others stayed and studied, and watched TV. Some are fathers here, so if they happened to be separated, they made calls to loved ones.

6/22/09—The day started off rainy but gradually blossomed into sunshine. We had our standard classes and sessions and the general texture of the mood was upbeat. A productive day of recovery.

Jimmy

6-12so yea I just finished my big cop list essay it feels good to have a clean slate I hope that this shut down helps the house and settles their little asses down a bit but yea I need to call my sponsor he just went in for surgery I hope he’s ok I am still waiting to drop the old fifth step hope it happens soon any way I am about to go to group now

6-13today is really kick back and mellow at the house as well as in my head I feel really in the now these last few days its really awesome I am super stoked on working every thing is chill about 85% of the house is on reflections still writing their cop lists waiting for the craziness I guess so yea that’s about it for the day 

6-14 so any way last night was a lot of fun I kicked some ass bowling it was cool gamer almost got beat up ha-ha what I dork so yea I don’t know I really miss the old family non com has been wearing on me a little bit but all and all I feel like a am in a much better spot and I thank god for that cause I was miserable a month ago

6-15 so yea today is a new day I got a really cool lil bro named mike older guy cooler then shit man I don’t even know what to say it always feels so good helping a new guy any way I got to go to work now

6-16 we went to hugs not drugs tonight it was a really good meeting on change and the fear that comes with change it got me thinking how scared I really am to change and all the ridicules shit that I hold so tightly on to for so long now because I am scared of letting it go its nuts I hope that makes some since I am tired rite now so I am gona go to bed

6-17hell of a day worked my ass off today we are building another retaining block wall out front of the house in total 3 walls topped of with a fountain its gona be sweet I am stoked to be part of all this stuff going on its really exciting I want my mom to come visit soon and see all the shit I helped build I have never done any thing like that before and I am really proud of it

6-18 so yea I got my self a cool lil reflections essay last night room essay I need to start pulling the guys up a lot more in my room I cant believe that I am really getting their the most sr in my room working every day its really cool man I got to talk to my grand pa today I had nothing but good things to tell his I love my life honestly some times things are still real shaky but all and all my life is a lot better

6-19 so yea some things have actually been coming up on me its still the same old self centered paranoia shit that I have struggled with for quite some time now I just have got to realize that this world does not revolve around me and every thing that people say does not have to have any thing to do with me if that, makes since so any way its bed time tonight I am grate full for this house good night

6-20 so well today is family group I am still missing my family bad its hard but its for the better I guess I can except help when its offered now and know that this is for the better and have much faith in the house but its still hard . any way things are better rite now in my life then they ever were I prove to my self every day now that I am fully capable  to hold down a job and enjoy working as well this is all new and exciting to me my position in the hose has gotten a lot stronger I feel that I am actually trying to help the new guys now out of concern opposed to just looking good you know any way its time to go now

6-21 so hell yea today I get to go to the mall in Lexington I am stoked I am really grateful today to have a life man its such a far cry from what it used to be any way I got to talk to my grandpa and grandma last night of course they think that they got every thing all figured out so yea that’s cool any way I have to go now

6-22 so I don’t know were I am at today I have actually been in a very good spot lately but I just feel all fucked up today for one reason or other I think that going out the last two nights in a row and like seeing Cameron’s family fucked me up cause I miss mine and shit I called my grandpa yesterday for fathers day I hope he understands in his heart just how much I love him any way I got to go now

6-23 so yea I am coming up on 6^th months here in a few days I am so stoked on that ive been doing this shit for too long now trying to get time togher its just nuts ive got to just go for it now its seriously getting a lot better every day now I am jacked on that shit I got to go to work now

6-24 o my god I am tired rite now I don’t even know what end is up rite now I fucken worked until 9:30 in the sun all day that shits all rite I feel so good today though its crazy I have honestly been in such a good spot lately  I guess its because I am just starting to actually take suggestion like to the best of my ability its crazy man this shit really does work if you work it you know

Cameron S.

6-14 wow I am off of reflections and I had a hell of a ride I wrote 52 thousand words of a  65 thousand word essay and I am wore out I wrote it quick too considering I have been working with Andrew at the dinner which hopefully we will be opening up here pretty soon and I will be going with him to work. I don’t really have much to say like I am working on having my sponsor come out here and I am I am just grateful to be alive today. Peace. :]

6-15 yep another day and I am in a rush again I have to go to work but I am running around the house like a mad man trying to get stuff done, this is my life man this is how I live but to be real with you I don’t really fall into the insanity of it all anymore I have learned to avoid it I don’t really know it is more of just a rush to get ready like but it is cool I have to go get ready for the work so that is really the rest of my day the diner Is going great too like the kitchen is really nice now all clean hopefully I get hired on to work when we open it so ya peace.

6-16 so we worked at the diner again today and the kitchen is done, we have been working the last week and a half or so like and it felt like we were never going to finish but now we just have the dining area part left it is coming along great, other than that like my sis and mom are coming out here this weekend from cali so I am looking forward to that and like ya that’s what is going on in my life. Sobriety is good. peace.

6-17 so another new day I got a new little brother now and it is cool I kind of forgot the feeling of a lil bro like with all of what is going on like I mean like it is good I talked with my sponsor about women last night and he wants me to ask if I can have permission to date a girl just simply date no more I mean I am excited but scared to ask about it just ya. I mean life is treating me really well today it is cool like but ya going to the diner here soon so I will be gone I am out for now peace.

6-18 ok so today is good I am in a major hurry to get my walmart list ready and get money and go to work I am really sort of just stressed alil but everything is good my mom and my sis will be out here tomorrow and like ya I don’t really know my sponsor josh Is going to be out here july 10^th like so y a I am going to go get ready for work, the ups and downs of sobriety are funny man its become humorous. Peace.

6-19 so sorry I cant talk got to go back to work so I gotta go im sorry family coming tonight im excited  sorry for the weak blog peace.

6-20 family is here and I am tired and hurting from work I feel like I am on fire honestly I am going to die man it is so nuts for real I can barely type I got blisters and caluses all over my hands so I am going to go now I got some stuff to do so peace.

6-21 ok so today I am going out like last night was really cool we had a great day went out had great food had good fun it was cool I am glad to be going out today as well like I will tell you about it more later tomorrow so grateful today. Peace.

6-22 ok so it is the morning before breakfast time and I am so tired last night was a drag I got put on reflections for the first time In a while had to say bye to my family and missed another fathers day and it is like just ya. I don’t know I am glad to be in a place with people that love me so ya. I am out going to work laters. Peace.

6-23 dude I worked out for the first time in a long time last night and I am so sore its funny and I have to go to work but it will be ok I am fine. But life is treating me good went to a good meeting last night and now I have the chance to run a 10 step group for the new guys in the house. Life is good  peace.

6-24 dude like I can not move any of my arms legs of appendixes like I am in pain. Work Is really kicking my ass I had to go in last night cuz I was just like unable to do shit you know what I mean I don’t know we will see how today goes other than that it is just normal house stuff and like i have nothing going on in my life other than that so I am boring sorry  gotsa go peace. 

Brian D.

June13-2009- I got off reflections last night and today I am going out to eat and to the mall with my little girl and mom so I am in a lot better of a spot and feel a lot better.

June 14-2009- today was a good day I am in a really good spot I got to go to spend time with my daughter and mom yesterday and really enjoyed it.

June 15-2009- today we worked on getting some of the plants planted and work on other things in the yard. I am feeling really good about everything and am glad to be where I am and be sober.

June 16, 2009- today we are setting posts for the deck over the pond and then we are going to a meeting it is a good day I am in a really good spot things are going really good.

June 17, 2009- Today we  are setting the middle post and I am still doing good there are other things going on and it amazes me that they are not effecting me in the way that would lead me out of this house.

June 18, 2009- today we worked until it rained us out. I have got court one day next week over my little girl and my soon to be ex- wife but I am still doing good and not letting it get to me.

June 19, 2009- we had group last night we talked with a few people but did not get into much. Today I am working on the deck and feel really good that we will be getting a lot done and then I will have two days free and hopefully wont think about things that I don’t need to.

June 20,2009-today was family group it was a pretty calm group and after I went to get a pair of boots so I am doing good

June 21 2009- Today we went to eat at Ruby Tuesdays and just took it easy but I am still in a really good spot

June 22, 2009- Today we are starting a new week and getting started I feel really tired and worn out I did not sleep good at all and I think it has a lot to do with things that are going on this week I just have to try to hope for the best

June 23, 2009- today I am alright I am trying to take things one at a time and deal with them but I am in a good spot.

Andrew

6-15-09

I finally got off reflections.  60 g’s took me about one week.  The house seems to be working smoother now that we had a shutdown.  I don’t know man, I guess I feel a little better since the last spot I was in.  I am getting ready to start step 4 and I am a little anxious to start.  I think that’s why I was in a bad spot.  Anyway got to go to dinner see you tomorrow. 

6-16-09.

Whats up.  I finally went over my third step last night with my sponsor and he gave mme direction to start my fourth step.  I am ready to move on but a little nervous.  I am going to work on that today.  I have band practice tonight.  We are starting to sound better.  I hope that we will be ready to play on the fourth.  Later.

6-17-09

here I am another day at the ranch.  I had a talk last night with dian about my attitude.  She put my head in check and I do feel better.  I went to the diner today and sprayed water on the air vents to clean.  Besides just scrubbing everything down we are ready to clean the dining room area.  We are just waiting for george to clean out his stuff.  Anyway I have to go.  See ya

6-18-09

I went to the diner today with cameron and mitch and we got a lot of shit done.  We started the the dining room.  We took inventory and set up the tables and chairs.  It is coming together.  I can not wait until we are totally done and ready to open.  Anyway we are going back tomorrow.  Besides that I don’t really know what is going on around the house.  We have group tonight so I see whats up.  later

6-19-09

I was planning on going to the diner today but I can’t get out of driveway.  Wendal and the deck crew are blocking the drive.  So I guess that I am going to stay around the house today.

6-20-09

today was family group.  It was relaxing and laid back.  Talk to some family members.  Brian d and I went to Danville today and bought new boots.  Tonight we are going to somerset aa and a movie.  Talk to you later

6-21-09

reflections

6-22-09

Yesterday I had a no program.  I didn’t do an hour of step work.  I totally forgot.  Today I am going to the diner.  I do not have much left to do.  I have to start on the food inventory.  Besides that it’s just another f****** Monday.  Later.

6-23-09

what up.  It is another beautiful day at the ranch.  I think I am going to work at the diner today.  I need to work on the food inventory.  I need to get a good idea of how much food needs to be ordered every week.  I heard that george will be leaving the diner next week so I can start working on the dining room part.  I am more stoked about the situation.  I have come to the realization that this is a great opportunity and this is the most logical thing for me to do at this point in my recovery.  Later

6-24-09

it is Wednesday and I am feeling ok.  Actually I am somewhat nervous about having to talk to larry.  We need to talk about the diner.  I have to let him know about the progress and what else needs to be done before we open.  I know that he is here but I can not find him.  He is a busy dude.  Any way I’ll get back to about what happens.  See u

Adam

6-11-2009- We had a NA meeting at the house tonight. I got a lot out of hearing some of the shares. Every time I leave a meeting I always feel one hundred times better. I need to stay up and write some words tonight but I will probably do my late night chore and then head to bed not far after.

6-12-2009- It’s midnight and we just got out of group. That’s actually a pretty short group for us, I can’t count how many times we have been up there til 2 or 3 in the morning. I think it was a really good group. One of the residents committed to stay another month which is always cool. I think every since the shut down the house is starting to turn around and go back in the right direction.

6-13-2009- Tonight I’m going over to my sponsor’s to watch the UFC fights and go over my step work. I’m excited to get out of the house for the night and hang out with some of my program friends that aren’t in the house. I think it’ll be a good night for me to just relax and take all the worries off my mind.

6-14-2009- Last night was nice. It was cool to get out of the house with a few of the guys from the house and spend some time with my sponsor. It was real relaxed, we played some pool and watched the fights. Being able to chill outside of the house for a night is exactly what I needed to chill out and put myself in a better spot.

6-15-2009- Another Monday at the Ranch. I’m not looking forward to today at all. It seems like the weekend went by way too quick. I talked to my sponsor last night about going over the step work that I gave him this weekend and we’re going to do it Tuesday. I’m pretty nervous about starting my next step because it is going to be one of the most difficult for me.

6-16-2009- We went to Somerset NA tonight and I had one of my program friends write me out a work out schedule. That will help me work against some of my laziness. I also get out of my head when I work out and don’t think about anything. Today was a pretty bad day though, I made a lot of mistakes in the office with small stuff that I should have been on top of. I let a few of the guys make commitments and then didn’t follow up to make sure the commitment got done.

6-17-2009- Today was a little bit better day. I didn’t make as many mistakes and didn’t get as stressed out or overwhelmed. I worked out tonight and feel a lot better every time after I do. I’m probably going to be real sore tomorrow but that’s cool because that lets me know that I am growing.

6-18-2009-Tonight is group night. I woke up real tired this morning and that isn’t good for a Thursday because we might be in group until early in the morning and I’ll have a hard time staying awake. I went for a run last night and worked out and I am now paying for it this morning. My legs are real sore. It was cool to go out for a run and not think about anything for while I was running.

6-19-2009- We had a pretty good group last night. We went to where no one can smoke upstairs now during group, which I love because there is only about three guys in the house that don’t smoke and I am one of them. I woke up this morning to the person in charge telling me that one of the guys mom’s came and picked him up this morning. That is not a very good thing to wake up to. I hate it whenever I see one of the guys that I have been living with for a few months make a bad decision and act on impulse.

6-20-2009- Last night we watched a movie and chilled out. It was cool to just hang out and kick it for a while. Today is Family Group and I am not looking forward to it at all. My family is not going to be here today which will be pretty weird because they come almost every single week. I am going out to my sponsor’s tonight to go over my step work and I am hoping I will be moved on to the next step tonight.

6-21-2009- I went over to my sponsors last night and went over my step work and got moved on to the next step. I got to hang out with a couple graduates of the house and watch some UFC fights. Sunday’s are usually pretty laid back around here and that’s what I am hoping for today. The weekend seems like is has went by way to quick though.

6-22-2009- I really don’t like Mondays at all. It seems like every Monday that I wake up in a bad mood and tired. Today is no different I am extremely tired even though I got a pretty good nights sleep. Once Monday is done it seems like the week always gets better so all I have to do is get through today.

6-23-2009- Monday wasn’t too bad at all I stayed real busy and the day went by pretty quick. I’m looking forward to starting my ninth step this week. I am anxious and nervous both. I want to make amends because I have done some terrible things to people, but I am also nervous because I don’t really want to tell some of the people the reason that I’m making the amends.

6-24-2009- Yesterday was a pretty good day. I got to go to my home group last night and see one of the graduates from the house. I’ve been in a really weird spot lately. I’m not in a good mood but I’m always not pissed off or in a bad mood. I’ve been very impatient lately though. I need to find some gratitude today.

6-2-09

Today was a really good day I did not work today but I got a lot out of my step work, I am in a really good spot lately because I have been being honest and open minded and I can really say that saying on having HOW (honesty open minded and willing) really does help in my recovery because it keeps my head clear when I talk about real shit and helps me listen to advice and then lets me follow gods will to take action on making the right decision in my solution. I am really looking forward to working in the morning and making some money that’s all I got for the day.

6-3-09

Well its 715am Wednesday morning and we are about fifteen minutes away from break fast and damn am I hungry fresh bacon and eggs sounds pretty bomb to me, I am just thinking about how much growth I just seen in myself by thinking about me getting up at this hour and being able to think clearly enough to turn on a computer let alone type , I am really grateful today for this house , it has saved my life really! I Am hoping the rain holds off so we can continue to landscape all week and really start to see this project take shape, it is an awesome feeling to be a part of something like this in recovery and my feeling for the day is joy and grateful to have gratitude.

6-4-09

Today we are going to a meeting then walmart I am having a really busy day.. today is a growing day. That’s all I really have for the day.

6-2-09

         Today was a really good day I did not work today but I got a lot out of my step work, I am in a really good spot lately because I have been being honest and open minded and I can really say that saying on having HOW (honesty open minded and willing) really does help in my recovery because it keeps my head clear when I talk about real shit and helps me listen to advice and then lets me follow gods will to take action on making the right decision in my solution. I am really looking forward to working in the morning and making some money that’s all I got for the day.

6-3-09

         Well its 715am Wednesday morning and we are about fifteen minutes away from break fast and damn am I hungry fresh bacon and eggs sounds pretty bomb to me, I am just thinking about how much growth I just seen in myself by thinking about me getting up at this hour and being able to think clearly enough to turn on a computer let alone type , I am really grateful today for this house , it has saved my life really! I Am hoping the rain holds off so we can continue to landscape all week and really start to see this project take shape, it is an awesome feeling to be a part of something like this in recovery and my feeling for the day is joy and grateful to have gratitude.

6-4-09

 Today we are going to a meeting then walmart I am having a really busy day.. today is a growing day. That’s all I really have for the day.