One misconception that loved ones have is that following a treatment program, the individual should be cured of their addiction. However, thats not how addiction recovery works. Expectations of friends and family to simply “get better” can serve as an added weight, hindering a person’s recovery. Often family and friends have watched the person they care about struggle with substance abuse and have waited so long for them to get treatment.  Once they enter treatment, the expectation is that they will be cured. Yes, treatment can save lives. However, it is equally important that those close to the addict understand that aftercare and learning to manage one’s addiction in the real world can be just as critical to their recovery. 

Because addiction is a chronic disorder, it requires post-care following treatment as well as continued management. And like other chronic diseases, relapses are not uncommon and indicate the need for additional treatment. 

A long-term stay in treatment can help those with substance use disorders successfully adjust to life without substances while providing proper support and guidance, whether they are early in the recovery journey, have relapsed or are simply struggling. Liberty Ranch offers an intensive outpatient treatment, which focuses on helping participants create a new, recovery-centered lifestyle and developing life skills. Following treatment, long-term sober living and continued participation in peer support groups are extremely valuable to the continued management of a person’s substance use disorder. 

2. Your “help” may be hurting your loved one

 It can be extremely painful to watch a person hurt themselves by abusing drugs and alcohol. You may have tried everything you can think of to help your loved one get clean only to be met with denial and defensiveness. Likely your countless attempts have had little effect on their substance abuse and sometimes, your help may actually enable their addiction.

When you love someone, you want to save them from pain and hurt. In the case of addiction, it is hard to sit by and watch a person destroy their lives without trying to protect them. For example, parents of addicts may bail their child out of difficult situations to prevent them from ruining their future. However, when you prevent a person with a substance use disorder from experiencing the negative consequences of their addiction, they have much less reason to stop using. Moreover, if your loved one doesn’t want to stop abusing substances, without feeling the negative consequences that result from their substance abuse, how realistic are these future prospects anyways?  Other enabling behaviors include providing financial support, allowing drug use in your home, calling in sick to work for them, failing to follow through on stated consequences, trying to solve your loved ones problems for them, offering unsolicited solutions or advice and saving them from legal issues. 

Instead of trying to fix your loved one’s problems, learn how recovery works, communicate with them about your concerns, let them know you care about them, and set boundaries around substance use in the household, financial support and your relationship with them. While you cannot force a person to get sober, communicating and setting clear boundaries for what you will and will not tolerate and allowing them to make their own decisions is often much more helpful for both parties. For more information on how to talk to your loved one about boundaries and consequences, check out our article on how to help a drug addict son.

3. Recovery works, but it takes time 

It may seem logical to expect that if drugs or alcohol were creating problems in a person’s life, getting clean and sober would solve these issues. However, this is not the case for most as recovery works with time, commitment and consistency.  Getting off of drugs and alcohol is a first step, but it doesn’t solve the underlying issues that caused the person to turn to substances in the first place. Because substance abuse is often a coping mechanism for deeper emotional difficulties, to truly heal, individuals must work to address their underlying problems and build healthier ways of coping that don’t involve substance use. 

Treatment programs, like the Liberty Ranch Intensive Outpatient Program, help clients identify and address the core issues that contribute to their addiction. Addiction treatment programs can be life changing, sparking a person’s ability to see a new way forward, helping them address deep-seated issues, teaching healthier behaviors and beginning the healing process. Your loved one may return from treatment feeling positive about new prospects and looking forward to rebuilding their life.  

This motivation can drive a great deal of change. However, it is important to consider what happens when life’s challenges and triggers return in full force. Though treatment often sparks a critical change in the addict’s life, for it to be sustainable, reinforcement and long-term programs can provide crucial support as a person learns to navigate life without substances. Research finds that patients who stay in long-term treatment are more likely to have better outcomes. 

Learn more on helping a loved one with addictions and how recovery works

Check out our guides to learn more about dealing with substance use disorders:

• Guide for Teen Addiction
• Guide for Addiction in Adult Children
• Guide for Women and Addiction
• Guide for Dealing with an Addicted Spouse
• Guide for Adult Children of Addicts
• Guide to Parenting as an Addict
• How to Help a Drug Addict Son
• How to Let Go of a Drug Addict Son
• Sober living near me? Guide to choosing a sober living home

Your loved one may feel like they have healed from their addiction and don’t need additional support when things are good, but it is during the difficult times that person’s recovery is put to the test. The transition between treatment and the “real world” can be harder than expected. Once a person leaves the supportive treatment environment and reencounters life’s difficulties, they may become distressed and be tempted to return to old behaviors. Navigating work, responsibilities, and relationships with friends and family who only know them as an addict can be extremely overwhelming. 

Though treatment helps equip individuals with many of the skills needed to address their issues, those who struggle with substance abuse have often spent a lifetime dealing with difficult emotions through unhealthy coping mechanisms. Unhealthy ways of coping can become a reflex response that one is unaware of and truly unlearning these behaviors takes time. Being able to effectively process feelings, pain and trauma in productive ways is a skill set that must be developed through practice and reinforcement. 

Sober living can help participants build the life skills they need for a sustainable recovery from addiction. Spending 9 to 12 months in a program can help participants truly adapt to a new lifestyle and learn how recovery works.  Residents are supported as they practice life skills, develop healthier habits and integrate functional behaviors.  Programs prepare participants as they work towards building a healthier future without substances while providing support and guidance. 

4. Emotions can be all over the place in early recovery

If your loved one has just begun their recovery journey, you may wonder what to expect. Recovery works for those who are committed, but it is a long road full of ups and downs. It’s important to educate yourself on the process of recovery to know what to anticipate and be able to respond in helpful ways.

Early recovery can be an especially challenging time. Your loved one is experiencing the world without drugs and alcohol. Substances may have helped them avoid their emotions and make it through difficult times. Once a person has detoxed and is no longer on any substances, these emotions that were once numbed can come flooding back. This can be an intense experience. Grief, guilt, anger, hurt, sadness and other emotions that have been buried can all rise to the surface. It can be scary and overwhelming to contend with the rush of emotions. 

It can be difficult to watch as your loved one struggles with these painful feelings. It may feel like things are getting worse before they actually get better. You may even bear the brunt of these bubbling emotions at times. Your loved one may go from emotional highs to lows in short periods of time. Likely they don’t know how to deal with or regulate painful feelings, which may have led them to turn to substances in the first place. 

Learning how to process and regulate emotions is a critical part of the treatment process. When a person stops using substances without proper support, they may lack the emotional tools to sustain long-term sobriety.  Developing this skill set is extremely important, as those who have difficulty with emotional regulation are more likely to relapse. This is where treatment comes in. During treatment your loved one will work on effective ways to manage their emotions and respond in healthy ways. Emotional regulation skills can be practiced and learned in therapy, group counseling, and through other activities. Treatment programs often employ behavioral therapies to help with this process. 

You can support your loved one in this process by recognizing they are going through a lot of changes, anticipating a range of emotions, acknowledging their feelings, doing your best to be understanding and participating in treatment activities when asked. You may also benefit by attending your own therapy to cope with these changes. Moreover, once your loved one completes treatment, it may be valuable for them to attend a sober living program where they further work on developing these and other skills. 

5. Expect your relationship with your loved one to change

Of course at face value, the idea that your relationship with your loved one will change once they are clean and sober makes logical sense. However, as recovery works, many fail to fully grasp what this really means for the relationship. Not having to deal with the consequences of their drug and alcohol use can feel liberating, but there are other changes that can be harder to accept. Often the personal growth made in treatment has sweeping impacts on many dimensions of that person’s life. 

Part of healing from substance use disorders involves therapy, counseling and looking inward to address the issues that caused the addiction in the first place.  Those in treatment may engage in therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to increase life skills and learn healthier ways of responding to stressful circumstances.  Addressing core issues and making behavioral changes usually impacts how they choose to relate to others in their lives.For instance, you may find that your loved one no longer wants to do the same activities you once did together. They may also set new boundaries or want more independence in decision-making.

As a loved one, though you may see their overall growth as positive, it can also be stressful, because as that person changes, so will your relationship with them. They may be used to calling or leaning on you when something goes wrong. As they go through treatment, they may find their dependence on you prevents them from taking responsibility for themselves. These steps are positive, but it can also feel like a loss in some ways. Even though you didn’t want them to keep using substances, it may have felt good to be needed and to help them, which is one aspect of codependency.  Loved ones may find it difficult to adapt to a new style of relationship with better boundaries. However, building a stronger and healthier relationship requires fundamental shifts in the way you interact and relate to one another. Individual and joint counseling may be helpful as you build this new relationship.

6. Recovery works best when the whole family participates

Another area that may change overall family dynamics. As the loved one of the addict or alcoholic, it is easy to blame them for many of the issues their behavior has caused. However, addiction doesn’t occur in a vacuum. Sometimes the substance use disorder is a symptom of other underlying issues in the family. Family systems is an approach to therapy that conceptualizes the family as an interconnected system in which individuals are often forced into rigid roles to maintain the status quo. The family is looked at as a unit, and each person’s behaviors and responses impact the overall system. In dysfunctional family systems, the problems of the individual, for example substance abuse, may reflect larger issues within the system (the family). Many family problems can be passed on through generations.